It’s been a very exciting couple of weeks at #NYAB. I’ve had three official set-ups, and I just received my new business cards in the mail. Things are looking up! As much as I love posting about the Bros, I’m also going to continue to post entries about dating and relationship advice and tips. In my last entry, I stressed the importance of looking for similar qualities that you have in your partner. If you learned anything from my last entry, it is this: try to erase Opposites Attract from your memory, and from now on, use the phrase Birds of a feather flock together! I also emphasized that men and women really are not that different, and that our culture makes us think that we are two completely different species who are in a constant struggle to figure the other out. As much is this is true, there are circumstances where men and women generally do differ. The topic of this entry is how men and women communicate differently. After reading this article, you may understand why you got into that silly argument with your girl friend/ boy friend last week, or why you feel like men or women never listen to you.
Let me paint a picture of a very common scenario between couples. A couple is going on a date, an event, a party, or so forth, and the woman is trying on clothes. Of course, she is having what women like to call a “fat day”, when nothing she owns seems to look good on her. She tries on an outfit and asks her boyfriend/ partner/ whatever you want to call him, “Do I look fat in this dress?” or “I just feel really fat in all my clothes”. Here is a typical male response, or at least what he’s thinking, “Why don’t you go on a diet or go to the gym more if you think you’re gaining weight?” Here, ladies and gentlemen, is where we have our first major difference in communication! In this scenario, this is NOT what the woman wants to hear. (Well of course she’d want to hear how she doesn’t look fat and how she’s perfect and beautiful…but) Women would rather hear empathy, such as “I understand, I felt really fat yesterday.” I’m sure some of you are chuckling, because I don’t think most dudes would say that. That sounds like something a one of your gal pals may say to you? Amiright?
Let’s cut to the point: Men are problem solvers while women communicate to show empathy, bond, or share information. It’s not that your hubby thinks you look fat, he sees that you are upset, and wants to fix the problem. Men generally would rather come up to a solution to a problem rather than just talk about it. Women, on the other hand, would talk about their problems and annoyances for hours if someone would listen to them. This leads me to my next topic: male friendships vs. female friendships.
Another example to show how women and men differ in communication is the friendships they have with same-sex pals. Women catch up over lunch, drinks, coffee, dinner, mani/pedi dates, or basically anything that will allow them to catch up and chit chat. Women love chatting. Often times, when girls are out together, you will see them facing each other. Women communicate best when they’re looking at you straight on or across the table. Men differ in how they communicate with their friends because they would rather do an activity to catch up and spend time together. Often times you see close male bonds among team-mates. Instead of catching up for happy hour, bros are more likely to play golf, shoot hoops, or some other hobby/ activity to catch up with their buddies. Also, men prefer chatting side-by-side, such as at the bar while they watch a sports game. Next time you hit up a bar after work, check out the scene. If you see a small group of guys vs. a small group of girls, you will often see the men sitting at the bar chatting, while women are usually at a table so they can communicate straight-on from across the table.
You may be asking yourselves, why is she telling us this? Understanding how men and women communicate and interact differently may help us bridge this gap. Many couples suffer from communication issues, and sometimes it’s a matter of when or how someone brings up an issue. Women may come home after a hard day at work and just want to talk about it, while if a man has a hard day at work, he’ll probably want to tune out and not talk about it. Many times, women may take it personally and become offended. Don’t be offended, and do NOT get passive aggressive. If you need to get something off your chest, flat out say, “I really need to vent.” By telling this to your man, he’ll understand that you really are upset, and he’s more likely to listen to you, as opposed to you just being in a crappy mood and making snide comments.
Ladies, another piece of advice is to try at all costs to never tell your man, “We need to talk.” This may as well be the kiss of death. If you’re wanting to bring a major issue or something that has been bothering you, wait until you are both relaxed and in a listening mood. A good time to bond with your man, communication-wise, is during a long car-ride, talking a walk, or while laying in bed together. Men will feel more at ease when you were sitting or walking side-by-side, and then it won’t feel like you’re attacking him.
I hope you all learned something in this post! As I stated earlier, we really are not that different from each other, but understanding and learning what differences we do have may improve communication between males and females. Ladies, if your most recent date isn’t calling/ texting you just to shoot the shit, don’t worry! Men will generally contact you if it’s for a reason, such as scheduling your next date. Men, don’t get weirded out if your new girl friend wants to talk your ear off and chat with you all the time because that’s just how girls are!
If you are interested in learning more, here’s a great article I found on way men and women communicate differently: http://dsc.discovery.com/tv-shows/curiosity/topics/10-ways-men-women-comminucate-differently.htm.
Feel free to comment if you agree or disagree! I would love to get more feedback! As always, e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet me @noturaveragebr0!