Dating Again After a Break Up

Dear Becca,

How are you? So I came across your blog on Google and I really enjoy your posts. I have a question for you, so I am 24 and I have been separated from my wife for a few months. We do have a one-year-old son so we both split time with him (I have him one half of the week and she has him the other half). I ready to get out there again and I have a co-worker who I have been texting for quite some time, she just got over a four-year relationship too. She is always talking about getting over her ex boyfriend but she’s not sure if she should date just yet. She just came over for dinner at my apartment and we really hit it off and I really like her. Should I give her more time or should I just go for it? Thank you for your help!


Ready to Date Again Bro




Dear Ready to Date Again Bro,

That is great that you feel like you are ready to date!  A separation can be such a tough situation to be in and can be very upsetting.  It sounds like you are off on the right foot with your co-worker by having her over for dinner.  Did you feel like there was flirting going on, especially on her end?  Did you guys talk about personal things, such as your families, future goals and aspirations, your son?  Sharing these intimate details about your life can be a sign of getting close to someone romantically, especially if it’s mutual.  Did you have any physical contact with her during your date?  Many times women will lean in during conversation, or will face you face-on during conversation to show that they’re interested.  How did the date end?  Did she give you a hug?  Did she kiss you?

It sounds like she wants to get over her past relationship as well, which is a good sign.  From my perspective, it seems like you two had an actual date, which is also a good sign that she may be ready to start dating again.  As to whether or not you should give her more time or just go for it, I would honestly just ask her.  You can share with her that you are romantically interested in her, but that you understand she recently came out of a long-term relationship, and you do not want to over-whelm her or be a rebound.  It may be hard and awkward to share your feelings with her, but I think it would be better to be honest with her and gauge her reaction from there before make any assumptions.  Next time you two hang out, I would tell her how much you’ve enjoyed getting to know her, and that you feel that feelings have been developing, and you would like to pursue those feelings with her if she is ready.  Hopefully she will be open to discussing it with you, and tell you where she stands.

If talking about your feelings makes you nervous, you could always just go in for the kill (aka kiss her), and see how she reacts.  The only issue there is that you may catch her off guard, or she may not know how serious you are about her.  In your situation, it may need to be said out-loud that you are interested in dating her, not just a fling.

Also, I would be cautious with getting involved with a co-worker.  Since you did not address that in your question, I will assume that working together is not an issue for you.  However, you may want to be sensitive to that issue in case it is a big deal to her.

In conclusion, I think you should go for it, or at least tell her how you feel.  My philosophy is put it all out there, even if that means getting rejected, rather than always wonder “What if?”  It sounds like you two have gotten closer, which is a sign that she may be on board.  Just be honest with your feelings and take it from there.

Hope this is helpful!


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