‘”What’s your best remedy for shaking someone of the horrible “overtexting” habit? In the early stages of relationships, I always find myself involuntarily contacting men via texts or messages- or DRUNK texts and messages. Every time, I try to “play it cool” and wait for them to contact me first, but then I always cave- can’t help it. I think it makes me come off as aggressive when really I am just very excited to get to know the guy. How do I break the habit, and is it really all that terrible to begin with?”
Dear Overly-Excited Emily,
As I’ve expressed in earlier articles, technology has many pros and cons in the dating world. Texting can be awesome for dating, as it makes it easy to communicate at all times, even when we’re regularly busy (such as while at work or out with friends); but it can also be the downfall of a relationship, especially at the beginning. First of all, why so impatient? Let him pursue you! If you’re overly aggressive with the texting, he may lose interest because there’s no chase whatsoever. All we hear from men is how they love the chase and women should play a little hard to get. When the men finally do succeed in winning us over, they feel as if they’ve accomplished something and won the first prize at the carnival, dating you.
It seems as if you don’t have an issue attracting men in the first place, the issue at hand seems to be keeping them around because you get overly excited and too chatty with the texting. This is a habit that you really should try to break, because at the end of the day, it is self-sabotage. Let me tell you from first-hand experience, it is not easy! There are many ways to help this situation. First of all, tell your friends about your “problem”. They will do their best to talk you out of texting the guy when you’re sober. However, when you’ve been drinking too much, it’s a whole other ball game. Never take a phone away from a drunk chick, there will be blood. Here are a couple of suggestions.
1) Take his number out of your phone, but write it down somewhere so you can call or text him when it’s appropriate. (However, this can be difficult because most of us have smart phones now, which makes it nearly impossible to actually have zero access to contacting the person.)
2) Change his/ her name to “Bob (DO NOT TEXT!!!)”
3) Stop drinking to the point where you turn into a crazy person! If you know this is a big issue for you when you drink, stop drinking so much, or give your friends your phone.
I know this “issue” is coming from a genuine positive place, because like you said, you get overly excited and have a hard time “playing it cool”. I can’t speak for all men, but I’m sure some guys out there would love a girl who didn’t play it cool and just texted them whenever they felt like it. However, just as a good rule of thumb, at the beginning stages of dating, either let them text you first or take turns. It generally should not be JUST you contacting them all the time, or I really think they will lose interest, and quickly at that. Remember, we all love the chase. When he finally wins you over, then maybe go crazy with the texting and send him silly emojis when you’re bored at work. But until then…take it down a notch and maybe hide your phone when you’re out for cocktails with the girls.
As always, guys and gals feel free to comment if you agree, disagree, or want to just put your thoughts in too!