Talking to an Ex post Break-Up

Hey Becca,

I have an issue. I broke up with a girl about 6 months ago. I have since often thought about her. I thought it ended pretty well but she took it really harshly. She had a boyfriend two weeks later and got rid of all the pictures of us and we haven’t spoken since then. In the last two weeks it’s been really rough. We have a class together and instead of ignoring me, as she has all semester, she recently made contact on facebook. She still has a boyfriend now. I don’t know what she is trying to do, as it’s a totally 0 to 60 switch. I still have thought about getting back together with her but all of the issues that we had before are still there. I don’t know what to do.

Confused Bro


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Dear Confused Bro,

It sounds like you need to find out what she wants from you.  What are her reasons for talking to you again?  Has she mentioned missing you or wanting to get back together, or is she just trying to maintain a friendship?  If you really do not know where this is coming from, then I would find out.  It seems like it’s bothering you or you would not have reached out, so it may be good to see where she is coming from, at the very least for you own peace of mind.

Another thing to consider is do you know what YOU want?  You mention that you’ve thought about getting back together, but the old issues are still there.  This is a common problem when exes try to get back together.  It sounds wonderful in theory to get back together with someone who knows you so well and you feel so comfortable around, but old habits die hard.   If you figure out that she is talking to you again because she wants to get back together, then before diving back into a relationship at full speed, I would bring up the issues that caused your break-up in the first place.  People do have the capacity to change, but only if you work on it together and maintain open and honest communication.

At the end of the day, you need to remember to watch out for yourself.  Bottom line, she has a new boy friend, and it seems like she is still kind of messing with your head.  I do think that exes have the capacity to be friends if enough time as passed, but in your situation, it does not sound like it’d be possible at the moment.  You need to do what’s best for you, and if that means cutting her out of your life, then so be it.  If you decide that you would not want to get back together with her, I would create some boundaries with her and tell her you need some space.

You are in a tricky situation, so I wish you the best of luck.  I would always be cautious when dealing with ex boy friends or girl friends.  See where she is coming from, and remember, you do not have to respond to her calls, texts, Facebook messages, etc. if you don’t want to.  Hope this is helpful!


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